Every word of this is true.

We have a couple of super cute and not-expensive Nutcrackers that hang out in our kitchen for the Holidays.

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A few years back, the one on the right lost the tiny topper for his hat. So, for the past few Christmases, it’s just been sitting loose on top of his head, and each year I say, “Sometime, when we have the pin nailer out, we should re-attach his hat.”

That day was today.

This was supposed to be a two-second job, and not remotely a blog post. But somehow, even reattaching a broken Nutcracker becomes a giant ordeal in this house. Thank goodness for camera phones, because as soon as this went down, we knew we needed to document.

We were working on a couple of pieces of crown moulding, and so I grabbed the Nutcracker from the kitchen.

I only took the first picture because it seemed hilarious to be nailing into the head of a decoration.

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It was like Doug was holding a football on a tee. He shot the nail, and the tiny hat topper FLEW, so hard, across the room. We heard it hit the wall, and that was that. Shot across the room is a better term – it went so freaking fast.

And that, my friends, is why you always wear safety goggles. It didn’t hit us, but it would have made a pretty stellar mark if it had.

After looking at each other to see if that ACTUALLY just happened, we looked at Mr. Nutcracker.

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That has to hurt. Look at his face. He’s clearly pissed at us. I guess I would be, too. Not only did we shoot him in the head, but we lost the top of his hat.

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We started looking. Everywhere. We thought we knew where we heard it hit, but we couldn’t find it.

Then, in true CSI fashion, Doug spotted the bullet hole : A mark on the wall, surrounded by glitter.

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I promise. I’m still not making this up.

Right in front of this mark, is the tree that I put in the bedroom. (Yes, I put a tree in a construction zone. BECAUSE I CAN. Judge all you want.)

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“It has to be in the tree,” I said.

So, we started looking. And Doug started shaking the tree down, like it was some sort of suspect that wouldn’t give up answers.

After we moved it out from the wall, I spotted it, lodged so tightly in the branches!

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I pried the nail out of his head. Please, let that the be only time I ever type that sentence.

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Doug said, “Maybe let’s just use wood glue.” So anticlimactic.

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So much better, buddy. We even let him hang out in the ridiculous mural room, so he could really feel like a king.

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“Should we clamp it on?” I said.

“Painter’s tape should be fine,” he said.

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And this, kids, is your reminder that safety should always be first!

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Now go buy some stocking stuffers.

5 comments

  1. I almost spit my coffee out at “And Doug started shaking the tree down, like it was some sort of suspect that wouldn’t give up answers.”. The whole thing is hilarious and scary at the same time.

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