“You Killed All My Friends,” says the Bird

This is Ceiling Fan Bird. He enjoys sunlight from the balcony, being tacky, not being used, and dangling from a not-attractive ceiling fan.

He also has LOTS of friends. Besides all the creatures we COULDN’T see on the wallpaper layer underneath, there are :

Mr. and Mrs. Bunny. And their clones…..

 

There is “Escape from the Border” Bird….

 

and “Kissing on the Plaster” Bird Couple. There is much discussion if the birds were placed to enhance the crack in the wall, or if the crack happened perfectly after the fact. Please discuss.

PLUS, there were all the birds in the border. Easily over 100 birds. Someone took a LOT of time, and a really sharp Exacto knife, to cut all of the birds out of the border to highlight them. I mean, A LOT of time. I very much marvel at their craftsmanship – truly.

But this all has to go.

If you remember, one of our next projects is to try and move onto the second floor for the summer, since living in the attic is horrendously hot, even with a portable air conditioner. The mini-makeover plan includes : removing the wallpaper, fixing the plaster on the walls, fixing the water-damaged ceiling, switching out the lighting, and painting the woodwork and the walls. The floor is a hot mess, but it will wait until we do all the floors upstairs at once. And, of course I’ll sew some drapes and add a rug and make it look darling. This is NOT the room that will be our master bedroom, this will be a guest room. But, it’s in the best shape for a mini-makeover. It has an attached bathroom, which I also wanted to do a mini-makeover on, but we’ll see. The Great Wallpaper Fiasco of Aught Fourteen has put that on hold.

Here’s the room. This is one of the few rooms in the house that has painted woodwork, which is sad, but I’m going with it. After all, it’s just a mini-makeover. It’s small – big enough for a bed, two nightstands, and a dresser, but it’s bright and cheer and HAS A BALCONY. And air conditioning, which is really the point.

Let the murders begin.

 

Sorry, fellas.

I scored the walls, and since there was a painted layer of wallpaper underneath, it came off in shreds more than anything, and took a lot of time. Eventually, I figured out a pattern of holding the steamer with one hand, and trying to rip off as much of the top two layers with the other hand, and eventually I moved faster than a snail. I am a HUGE proponent of the wallpaper steamer. If there are nooks and crannies you can’t get to, a mixture of hot water and fabric softener in a spray bottle works great, too.

As always, Marina was ready to help. Reese, not so much. She’s shy.

We caused quite the mess.

 

We also discovered this fun math problem on the plaster! I mean, I’m sure it’s to figure out supplies needed, but you know, it’s wrong.

The great thing is – despite my irrational fear that the wallpaper would be structural and the plaster would come crumbling down when I removed it – the walls are in really good shape. The water damage in the corner is the worst, but it’s not too bad. The ceiling is bad, but the rest of the walls are just minor cracks and holes, which is a HUGE relief. Saving plaster is important to me. And, you know, it’s super heavy to remove. No one needs that.

I saved this bird until last. Because I’m a horrible, horrible human being. Pardon the quality of the picture – it was late and dark and Doug used my phone to take them.

Done! Finally.

And then, Ceiling Fan Bird was sad, because all of his friends were gone.

So I read him a bedtime story.

You’re next, Ceiling Fan Bird.

The End.